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Preparing for the holidays starts early

“Keep blowing,” husband-head instructed. “You’re full of hot air – you’re doing a good job.”I looked up at him in frustration as he smiled down at me.”This is NOT fun and I can already tell it’s going to be way premature, like usual,” I insisted.Husband-head patted me on the head and motioned for me to continue.I grabbed the big plastic blow-up pumpkin, took another deep breath and exhaled as hard as I could.”I hate this stupid pumpkin,” I said as I came up gasping for air. “Why do we have to put it out now? It’s not even October!”But husband-head is a fanatic for holiday decorating.With fall weather in the air and Halloween a month away, husband-head was already raring to put out his spooky decorations for one of his favorite holidays of the year.And while I was busy blowing up the stupid pumpkin, husband-head was painting his plastic skulls, which he had mounted on some tiki lamps to put at the entrance of the front walkway.”Are we going to scare the bejesus out of all the neighborhood kids again this year?” I asked, taking another break and feeling like I was about to pass out. “I always wonder if they’re not scarred for life after they visit our house.”Husband-head disagreed.”We give out good candy,” he assured me. “It’ll be worth it.”With that, he dragged out his glow-in-the-dark skeleton and the motion-detector ghost thing that screams every time someone walks by.But it’s the same scenario for all of the holidays. The big box stores may stock merchandise months before the season, but husband-head is the patron saint sucker for all of them.”LOOK!” he cried as we scouted around for a few fall decorations. “They’ve even started to put out the Christmas stuff!”Now, the majority of us would groan at such a premature display, but husband-head gets all excited.Our basement is stuffed with holiday decorations that include Halloween, Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Labor Day, Memorial Day and Ground Hog Day. There might even be some for Virgin of Guadalupe Day decorations, but I’m not sure.”Why don’t we just put all this stuff out at the same time and leave it up year ’round?” I suggested. “Our front yard could be like Disneyland and I wouldn’t have to blow things up every couple months.”Then I pointed out that if we were going to be completely weird about holidays, we might as well incorporate them all.”You know, there’s ‘Squirrel Appreciation Day’ and ‘Answer Your Cat’s Question Day’,” I informed husband-head. “Not to mention ‘Jello- Week’, ‘Dump Your Significant Other’ week,’ ‘For Pete’s Sake Day’ and ‘National Tooth Fairy Day.”Husband-head thought I was making it up, but I wasn’t.”In fact, September happens to be ‘National Mushroom Month’ and today is ‘Elephant Appreciation Day,'” I huffed. “Tomorrow is ‘Fish Appreciation Day.'”I didn’t mention that according to Brownielocks.com, September was also “Be Kind to Your Editor and Writers Month” or “Pleasure Your Mate Month.”Husband-head definitely thought I was making THAT up.”I’m serious,” I insisted. “Think of the decorations we could put up for ‘National Egg Salad Week,’ ‘Lip Appreciation Day,’ ‘Anti-Circumcision Day’ or ‘What If Cats and Dogs had Opposable Thumbs Day’?”Think of the possibilities!I finally finished puffing up the pumpkin and waited for my praise.But husband-head just looked over at the blow-up Santa and smiled.”Oh no,” I said, shaking my head. “I am not blowing Santa again this year. I did the pumpkin, but YOU have to do Santa.”At that moment I prayed that the neighbors were out of town – or at least not within earshot.”You know,” husband-head mused. “I was thinking … we’ve got the inflatable pumpkin and the Santa Claus … but what about a big, blow-up turkey for Thanksgiving on the roof?”Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.


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