Puppy Le Pew and his little skunk, too
“PEEEEE-EWWWW!” I screamed when husband-head and the dogs came bounding in the back door from their evening toodle. “Who REEKS?”
Husband-head simply dragged one of our yellow Labs, Wyatt, into the bathroom.
“Mr. Curious here got skunked,” he explained, with his T-shirt pulled up over his nose to stifle the smell. “He decided he wanted to chase a skunk and it blasted him right in the face.”
With that, he picked up the 100-pound dog and plopped him into the bathtub, while I held my own nose and watched.
“This isn’t a spectator sport ” go get me the pet shampoo!” husband-head barked.
But just then, I remembered hearing somewhere that tomato juice helped get rid of skunk stench.
Except that we don’t drink tomato juice.
Nevertheless, I opened the fridge and peered in the back where things have been known to start their own colonies. There was a can of spicy hot V-8 juice, which is quite tasty in bloody Marys, but I didn’t think it would be a good mixer with the dog.
And then suddenly I got the same feeling you have when you find an unexpected $10 bill in your pocket. There lurking in the bowels of the fridge was a big unopened bottle of regular Campbell’s Tomato Juice.
Still holding my nose, I handed it to husband-head, who was fighting to keep the dog in the tub.
“Oh for the love of Pete, I don’t want a cocktail right now, I need to wash the dog!” husband-head said with exasperation, looking at the juice.
I informed him about the home remedy, which I’m sure he thought I had fabricated.
Nevertheless, he poured the juice on the wriggling dog who, at this point, was trying desperately to jump out and get away.
“Gross, he looks like someone just gave birth to him,” I observed, wondering if our yellow dog would be permanently pink.
Actually, the whole room looked like a scene out of “Helter Skelter” with blood-red drops covering the walls, the tub and the floor. I was half tempted to scrawl “pig” on the wall with my finger to complete the effect …
I grabbed the empty Campbell’s juice bottle from husband-head to see if the skunk remedy was a recipe on the label like the ones they list on the soup cans.
“Research shows that a diet rich in tomato products is associated with a reduced risk of certain types of cancers,” was all the label read.
Cancers, not odors.
“But look!” I pointed out to husband-head. “You can also get this stuff in Healthy Request, Low Sodium and Organic. And it’s only 50 calories per 8 ounce serving!”
Husband-head, who was now struggling to towel off our pink puppy, looked at me as if he was sure I’d been drinking the cocktail without the mixer …
The still-wet dog finally escaped and began running around, permeating the entire house with the skunk smell.
“He still stinks,” I scowled. “I don’t think the tomato juice worked…”
“I know, maybe we should try the margarita mix now,” husband-head agreed, sarcastically. “And if that doesn’t do it, we could try brandy old-fashions, Jack Daniels and Coke or vodka tonics. He could smell like a drunk instead of a skunk …”
Instead, I decided to look up “skunk smell on dogs” on the Internet.
“What did you find?” husband-head wanted to know, as he put blankets over the couch and chairs where we knew the dog would go.
“One site says to use a vinegar-and-water douche,” I said, frowning. “But for your information, I am NOT going to the local grocery store ” where everybody knows me ” and explain that I’m buying a vinegar-and-water douche for the dog.”
That was the end of that idea because we both knew HE certainly wasn’t going to go buy it, either.
“Then just go to the liquor store,” husband-head suggested. “We’ll pour beer all over him ” that’s a good smell. Plus, I could use one right now.”
For the next several days, we referred to Wyatt as “Puppy Le Pew,” until the smell eventually dissipated.
A few evenings later, they were on their way out for another toodle.
“Please stay away from any small animals that are black with a white stripe down their back,” I warned. “The people at the liquor store are beginning to think we have a problem.”
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