School starts with Snickers and football
“It’s the Happy Peanut Song!” husband-head cried out to the TV and then proceeded to sing along with the commercial and the guy on the acoustic guitar.”Over chocolate covered mountain tops and waterfalls of caramel … prancing nougats in the meadows … sings a song of satisfaction …”Husband-head was crooning from the couch while the singer on TV was serenading a dude eating a Snickers bar.I rolled my eyes.But it was just one of the commercials being aired during the first pre-season football game.”This is RIDICULOUS!” I said, slamming dishes around in the kitchen. “It’s only AUGUST for Pete’s sake. Why should we have to listen to stupid commercials about tires, trucks, beer, babes and candy bars when it’s still officially summer?Not only was football starting again on television, there were all kinds of advertisements for kids going back to school.Backpacks, Boho Chic and boots were being promoted while the air conditioner was still running full blast in the house.”In my day, school ended in June and didn’t start again until early September,” I announced, although no one was listening. “Same with football. It was a fall thing. DO YOU HEAR ME? It’s not even LABOR DAY yet!”Naturally, there was no answer as nobody was paying attention.Next came a slew of advertisements for products everyone needs to have, including a quesadilla asada and a tiger mascot that gets rescued from a tree, which I’m not even sure what they were promoting.”Those are dumb,” husband-head critiqued. “The good ones are anything that features beer or hot chicks.”When the football ads aren’t on, there are the ones for back-to-school clothing and accessories, which aren’t much better.Apparently, this year the “private school” look is in, with girls wearing little schoolgirl skirts and boys wearing argyle sweaters.”I had a boyfriend once who wanted me to dress up like a school girl and wear little anklet socks,” I informed husband-head.”That’s sick,” he said, and then added. “Do you still have the skirt?”No, but I remember when my sister and I were little and we looked forward to going back to school in the fall.Mom would buy us a slew of new school supplies and outfits to wear to start the school year.Unfortunately, she thought it was cute to dress us in the exact same clothes, although we were a year apart and not twins.It was adorable until we were about 9 or 10, and then it became obnoxious. So she compromised by making them the same outfits, except in pink and blue, or pink and yellow, or pink and … whatever they still put a big kink in our individuality and have made our therapists very rich people today.Nevertheless, I remember being excited about our new clothes and shoes. In fact, I recall sleeping with a new pair of black patent Mary Janes.”Goodnight shoes,” I used to say softly as I caressed the pair as they lay on the pillow next to me. “Tomorrow we’ll go to school!”Of course, years later my shoes and I would spend many hours NOT going to school and my left hand and I would spend time trying to forge notes in my mother’s handwriting as to why we weren’t in class.Still, football and school were supposed to start in September as far as I recalled.”Nope, it’s happening NOW!” husband-head said, clapping his hands like a little boy in preschool. “Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?”No, and I wasn’t ready for the commercials, either.”Oh, this is only the tip of the iceberg,” husband-head assured me. “There’s a lot more to come. It’s now through January.””You mean, like what they saw from the crow’s nest of the boat in the movie ‘Titanic?'” I challenged. “You know what happened when they hit the iceberg, don’t you? I’ll be in a lifeboat and you’re gonna die.”Husband-head waved his hand in a shooing motion.”Ssshhh,” he dismissed me. “The Happy Peanut Song is on again.”Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her Web site at http://www.heidirice.com.
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