Shake it, but don’t break it |

Shake it, but don’t break it

April in GlenwoodApril E. ClarkGlenwood Springs, CO Colorado

I’m no Nostradamus, but some comical events in life are just too easy to predict. Last Tuesday, my friends and I headed to Rifle for what I envisioned as an all-out, “As-Nasty-As-They-Wanna-Be” raunch-fest. The hardcore rap group 2 Live Crew was playing Rifle’s new hotspot, the Winchester Nite-Club, and we were all over it. Like a 2 Live Crew back-up dancer on a banana.Holy parental advisory.Once “Banned in the USA,” 2 Live Crew members would be testing their freedom-of-speech limits in a town named after a firearm.That was something waiting to happen. I just didn’t know exactly what that certain something would be.In one hyphenated word: Dance-off.Maybe it’s the popularity of TV shows such as “Dancing With the Stars” and “Pants-off Dance-off.” Or it could be celebrity gossip that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake have faced off in dance-offs at trendy clubs. All I know is that I was witness to a real, live dance-off what my roommate Kendra once believed to be an urban legend.The night started with an energy that only a group whose biggest hit was “Me So Horny” can generate. A DJ was spinning the hip-hop hits, attracting a few cleavage-graced ladies and a guy in a cowboy hat to the hardwood dance floor.

But, still, no 2 Live Crew.As the time neared 10 p.m., most people were looking around, wondering if the Crew was in the building. Some feared it was a hoax.We wondered out loud if 2 Live Crew knew anything about Rifle, Colo. Or big trucks.Soon, the music got louder. From the back of the club strolled in the 2 Live Crew boys, minus former member Luther Campbell, aka Luke Skywalker. I recognized Fresh Kid Ice, a founding member, who from my observation had a prosthetic arm. I don’t remember him having that at the Double Diamond show in Aspen a few years back.Attention to detail is everything.I have to admit, this was not my first 2 Live Crew show. Nor was it my second. To my mother’s dismay, this was my third time seeing 2 Live Crew in my 34 years.And yes, I’m a freak.The Crew performed all the ol’ perverted hits – “We Want Some … (insert slang for a woman’s genitals),” “Do Wah Diddy Diddy,” and “Hootchie Mama.” The crowd especially the females really got into the lyrics, so much so there were a lot of frustrated boyfriends waiting outside.

One particularly perturbed man probably could’ve snapped my neck like a year-old piece of beef jerky.The Crew’s lone female back-up dancer whipped up a performance worthy of a strip club or a Madonna concert. My girlfriends and I stood on the outskirts of the dance floor.Mouths dropped.Eyes wide.A few people flipped open their cell phones to film the unfolding events. Not quite a Kodak moment. More like a occasion.I won’t even touch on the banana portion of the evening.After a little whipped cream was sprayed, the Crew wrapped up pretty fast. The DJ picked up after they left the stage to start selling T-shirts, offering more hip-hop tunes.And that’s when it happened.

Two younger women decided to dance it off.At first, the interaction seemed innocent enough. A few “You-Can’t-Touch-This” moves geared toward each other. A stare down. Lots of dirty looks. But then the dancing became a bit more aggressive. Each girl’s friends started to circle.Serious dance-off.Before anyone could pull a muscle, or a hand-full of hair, the bouncers were there to break up the scene. Dance-offs aren’t always pretty, even when the participants are girls.But that’s how 2 Live Crew likes it.April E. Clark considered quitting her job to become a back-up dancer with 2 Live Crew. She cant quite shake it like that. She can be reached at or 945-8515, ext. 16601.

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