Shake it, but don’t break it
I’m no Nostradamus, but some comical events in life are just too easy to predict. Last Tuesday, my friends and I headed to Rifle for what I envisioned as an all-out, “As-Nasty-As-They-Wanna-Be” raunch-fest. The hardcore rap group 2 Live Crew was playing Rifle’s new hotspot, the Winchester Nite-Club, and we were all over it. Like a 2 Live Crew back-up dancer on a banana.Holy parental advisory.Once “Banned in the USA,” 2 Live Crew members would be testing their freedom-of-speech limits in a town named after a firearm.That was something waiting to happen. I just didn’t know exactly what that certain something would be.In one hyphenated word: Dance-off.Maybe it’s the popularity of TV shows such as “Dancing With the Stars” and “Pants-off Dance-off.” Or it could be celebrity gossip that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake have faced off in dance-offs at trendy clubs. All I know is that I was witness to a real, live dance-off what my roommate Kendra once believed to be an urban legend.The night started with an energy that only a group whose biggest hit was “Me So Horny” can generate. A DJ was spinning the hip-hop hits, attracting a few cleavage-graced ladies and a guy in a cowboy hat to the hardwood dance floor.
But, still, no 2 Live Crew.As the time neared 10 p.m., most people were looking around, wondering if the Crew was in the building. Some feared it was a hoax.We wondered out loud if 2 Live Crew knew anything about Rifle, Colo. Or big trucks.Soon, the music got louder. From the back of the club strolled in the 2 Live Crew boys, minus former member Luther Campbell, aka Luke Skywalker. I recognized Fresh Kid Ice, a founding member, who from my observation had a prosthetic arm. I don’t remember him having that at the Double Diamond show in Aspen a few years back.Attention to detail is everything.I have to admit, this was not my first 2 Live Crew show. Nor was it my second. To my mother’s dismay, this was my third time seeing 2 Live Crew in my 34 years.And yes, I’m a freak.The Crew performed all the ol’ perverted hits – “We Want Some … (insert slang for a woman’s genitals),” “Do Wah Diddy Diddy,” and “Hootchie Mama.” The crowd especially the females really got into the lyrics, so much so there were a lot of frustrated boyfriends waiting outside.
One particularly perturbed man probably could’ve snapped my neck like a year-old piece of beef jerky.The Crew’s lone female back-up dancer whipped up a performance worthy of a strip club or a Madonna concert. My girlfriends and I stood on the outskirts of the dance floor.Mouths dropped.Eyes wide.A few people flipped open their cell phones to film the unfolding events. Not quite a Kodak moment. More like a cybergirls.com occasion.I won’t even touch on the banana portion of the evening.After a little whipped cream was sprayed, the Crew wrapped up pretty fast. The DJ picked up after they left the stage to start selling T-shirts, offering more hip-hop tunes.And that’s when it happened.
Two younger women decided to dance it off.At first, the interaction seemed innocent enough. A few “You-Can’t-Touch-This” moves geared toward each other. A stare down. Lots of dirty looks. But then the dancing became a bit more aggressive. Each girl’s friends started to circle.Serious dance-off.Before anyone could pull a muscle, or a hand-full of hair, the bouncers were there to break up the scene. Dance-offs aren’t always pretty, even when the participants are girls.But that’s how 2 Live Crew likes it.April E. Clark considered quitting her job to become a back-up dancer with 2 Live Crew. She cant quite shake it like that. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or 945-8515, ext. 16601.
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