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Skully says … buy my book

Fried Rice
Heidi Rice
Glenwood Springs, CO Colorado
Heidi Rice
ALL |

“My book is out! It’s finally done and you can order it on the Internet!” I said, throwing my arms around Husband-Head’s neck when he came home from work.

Husband-Head looked relieved.

“Good Lord, I was beginning to think we wouldn’t be alive before it was finished,” he said honestly. “What’s it been ” about a year and a half?”



At least. At first I thought it would be pretty easy to put together a collection of columns I’ve written over the past 10 years.

Ha!



As it turned out, it entailed picking through hundreds of columns and then typing them in, sending it to my editor and having it edited and edited and edited again. In fact, for a while there, I think I spoke to my editor more than I did to Husband-Head. …

Then, of course, there was the matter of getting photos done for the front and back covers, writing additional copy, conferring with the publishing house and a slew of other chores. “A prescription for Prozac should definitely be part of a publishing contract,” I announced to Husband-Head at one point. “Because this whole process is enough to make a person go completely batty.”

I’m pretty sure I heard Husband-Head mutter “as if you weren’t before,” softly under his breath. …

But it’s finally done.

So, it was with excitement that I went on the computer and typed in my name on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com to show Husband-Head that the book was listed.

“Uh-oh,” I said when I called up the site. “Big uh-oh.”

“WHAT-oh?” he demanded to know. “What have you done now?”

It wasn’t anything I had done.

It was, however, clear that there was indeed another Heidi Rice.

“You got an e-mail from a Heidi Rice in Florida last year whom you had nothing in common with,” Husband-Head shrugged. “So there’s someone with your same name. No big deal.”

Yeah, but that Heidi Rice was a homemaker with three kids. This Heidi Rice was also an author ” and our books were listed together.

Except that she happens to be from the United Kingdom and seems to be quite a prolific author.

After typing in my name, the site listed “other books by this author.”

Ummm … let’s just say that the other Heidi Rice writes in a very different genre than I do. Apparently, she’s a romance writer. “Bedded by a Bad Boy?” Husband-Head said, reading over my shoulder. “You better not have written that!”

I didn’t. But the book cover had the name “Heidi Rice” on it as the author. And it was being sold for a discounted price of $52.70.

Another title was called, “The Tycoon’s Very Personal Assistant.”

“Kate Denton was stranded in a Las Vegas hotel with nothing but her underwear and her passport!” an excerpt says “She desperately needed some money to pay for a flight home, so she threw herself on the mercy of the hotel owner: dark, brooding, incredibly sexy Zack Boudreaux.”

“Zack” apparently is so taken with Kate’s “knickers” that he gives her a job as his “very personal assistant … preferably without the knickers …”

I looked at Husband-Head and laughed.

“I need some ‘knickers,'” I decided. “Or not …”

Other titles by my same name included “Bedded by a Playboy” and “Mile High Club.”

“The ‘Mile High Club’ title worries me a little because I live in Colorado and people might naturally assume I wrote something like that,” I told Husband-Head.

On the other hand, poor Heidi Rice of London is probably looking in horror at the book website saying, “I bloody well didn’t write a humor column or a book called ‘Skully Says SHUT IT!'”

“It could be worse,” Husband-Head shrugged. “She could be a porn star. …”

“Skully Says SHUT IT!,” with illustrations done by Husband-Head, is a collection of 60 columns written through the years. The title was prompted by Dateline NBC’s secret filming of Husband-Head watching a Green Bay Packers game while yelling at me through a porcelain skull to keep quiet and bring him more beer.

Currently, the book may be purchased by visiting http://www.heidirice.com and clicking on the icon. Limited copies will also be available during an author signing from 1-3 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 11, at the Book Train, 723 Grand Ave., in Glenwood Springs.

Husband-Head will be there!

Heidi Rice is a staff reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit the website at http://www.heidirice.com.


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