So you wanna be a reality TV star
In todays celebrity-crazed society, being famous and making a fool out of oneself seem to go hand in hand. Which makes me wonder, Why not me?Ill try and say reality TV is ridiculous, staged and a complete waste of time. But like a lone deviled egg on a chicken-themed dish in the Thanksgiving food line, I cant resist.Reality TV is my vice, like steroids is to Rafael Palmeiro. And, sadly enough, my inspiration for this column.Ive recently tuned in and been turned on to Bravo TVs newest programming sensation, Being Bobby Brown. The show is based on R&B singer Bobby Browns life as a B-list celebrity, a dysfunctional father, Whitney Houstons husband and their struggles with getting clean.The shows motto:Being a husband.Being a dad.Being famous. Being bad.In the last eight episodes, Brown and Houston have crossed a lot of barriers in terms of public display of affection, alcohol consumption and bad early 90s dances. Watching the show is much like watching a train wreck, without twisted metal, carnage and loss of life. Its so hard to turn away from watching this couple and their family be ridiculously rich and famous, and at the same time, shamelessly intoxicated and rude.The couples favorite dance appears to be the Running Man, a move I have personally sought to perfect since My Prerogative was a hit.For Bobby and Whitney, the Running Man can happen anywhere, even poolside at a fancy Christian Dior party. I have been known to bust the move during the dance-off, a typically embarrassing challenge that usually takes place at wedding receptions or dance clubs like the Roxie after midnight. The stickier the floor, the better, as accidents can happen.Im no Bobby Brown, but seeing a connection between making a fool of myself and the desire to be famous makes me wonder if theres a Being April Clark in my future.My motto:Not being a wife.Not being a mom.Not being famous.Not being da bomb.Sounds incredibly boring, but thats the catch. A lot of people think my life is funny, including me.Not being married in this valley isnt exactly weird, but the lifestyle can offer a lot of amusement for those who know anything about the singles scene in Glenwood Springs. Ive found that being a writer for a living can really impress guys who skipped English classes in high school. Grammar is overrated, anyway.Now that Im over 30, my not being a mom can be weird for other people. I hail from Indiana, where couples get married and have babies in their 20s. If you dont, youre weird, a kid-hater or cant reproduce, which makes people feel sorry for you. As far as I know, Im none of those. Having kids actually scares the bejeezus out of me, especially the thought of taking kids in a Wal-Mart and leaving without buying them something. Damn the candy strategically placed in the checkout aisle!Im definitely not famous. I once signed my autograph on an extra-large can of pickles at a jazz joint in Indianapolis when I was editor-in-chief of Dine Magazine, a food, wine and spirits publication. And I met former Vice President Dan Quayle at a golf tournament when I was a sports reporter. Thats as close as Ive come to fame, or fortune, for that matter.Until I can afford to drive a Bentley, wear Prada attire and sip Cristal, I wont be da bomb anytime soon. I picked that one because it rhymes. Im really not that hip.Being April Clark is nothing like Being Bobby Brown, but I do have some drama in my life every now and then. And we both think Boones Farm Strawberry Hill is an acceptable brand of wine.Youll never see me drinking Boones or doing the Running Man on TV though. I would never make a fool of myself like that.April E. Clark is also addicted to Laguna Beach on MTV and ABCs The Bachelorette. She can be reached at 945-8515 ext. 518 and email@example.com
Support Local Journalism
Support Local Journalism
Readers around Glenwood Springs and Garfield County make the Post Independent’s work possible. Your financial contribution supports our efforts to deliver quality, locally relevant journalism.
Now more than ever, your support is critical to help us keep our community informed about the evolving coronavirus pandemic and the impact it is having locally. Every contribution, however large or small, will make a difference.
Each donation will be used exclusively for the development and creation of increased news coverage.
Start a dialogue, stay on topic and be civil.
If you don't follow the rules, your comment may be deleted.
User Legend: Moderator Trusted User
During his 50 years in rural western Colorado, Jamie Jacobson has seen a lot of flooding. While caretaking a farm in 1974, Jacobson watched 3 acres of its riverfront float away. More recently, it’s been…