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Socialite with a Slip ‘N Slide

April E. Clark
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Lately I’ve been flirting with the idea of doing more with my life.

Then again the ski season is closer than Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, so maybe I should just relax and wait for the feeling to pass.

Who says being a ski bum is a bad thing?



Maybe it’s the recession. Or just plain boredom from the off-season. All I know is I want to get out there and do something. Become more successful in my career. See the world in a different perspective. Re-invent myself.

I just had dejà-u from a year ago. …



I could always go back to school for my master’s. But borrowing even more money right now ” which is about the only way I can swing higher education ” seems like a terrible idea. Plus I’d really have to work on my concentration skills. I thought I was easily distracted at 21, and that was before I ever had a cell phone, three e-mail accounts, a blog and Facebook/MySpace pages.

No wonder I can be such a scatterbrain.

Personally, I like the idea of becoming a socialite. According to Wikipedia, a socialite is “a person who is known to be a part of fashionable high society because of his or her regular participation in social activities and fondness for spending a significant amount of time entertaining and being entertained.”

That has my name all over it.

It just so happens I’m extremely fond of entertaining and being entertained. I love a great party, especially throwing one with a theme. I can’t think of anything better than being surrounded by friends, enjoying festive libations and munching on fabulous food.

Throw in a Slip ‘N Slide, pirate costumes and kickball and we’ve got what they call a perfect party storm.

Unfortunately there’s one limitation in my becoming a socialite I’m having trouble overcoming.

The “fashionable high society” part.

Details, details.

Wikipedia says socialites typically possess considerable amounts of wealth, from “inheritance or otherwise.” Sure, anyone can have a trust fund these days (there are 9,500,000 high net worth individuals possessing more than $1 million globally). And if you divorce the right guy, alimony can be easy money. But I say being a socialite should require a little less birth-name luck and a bit more work.

Think reality TV show.

This has probably already been done ” “Paris Hilton’s My New BFF” comes to mind ” or has at least been pitched to the networks, but maybe there should be a socialite competition.

The grand prize: The chance to be a socialite for one calendar year.

Movin’ on up, into the Barbie Dream House in the sky.

And the contest gets better. If the winning socialite can make a name for herself, or at least create a namesake perfume that eventually becomes a $20 knockoff, she will possess at least a portion of the considerable amount of wealth required to socialize for a living. Think of it as the first step in climbing the socialite ladder, which can’t be easy.

Unless your last name is Trump or Hilton.

I envision the Battle of the Socialites to involve a lot of testing on fashion labels, gemology and china patterns. Nothing embarrassing or Fear Factorish like eating monkey’s testicles ” although my friend Kendra considers escargot and fois gras just as gross. This will be a competition for a true lady.

Think Jackie O or Princess Grace.

I know, in this reality TV-driven society that can be difficult. But anything’s possible. Look at MySpace sensation Tila Tequila.

Bi is apparently the new black.

Ultimately, I see a purpose to the War of the Socialites. And it’s not just me winning it. This newly crowned socialite princess should not only possess considerable amounts of wealth, but she should also be as compassionate as Mother Theresa. OK, maybe not that compassionate considering Mother Theresa rarely rocked Roberto Cavalli.

There has to be some kind of balance.

The winning socialite should follow the lead of Princess Diana, who widely supported the International Campaign to Ban Landmines. Or actress Charlize Theron, an United Nations Messenger of Peace. Class before crass.

Hey that’s something I can do with my life.

Socialite or not.

April E. Clark is still coming down from her visit-to-Aspen high. She can be reached at aclark@postindependent.com.


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