The red-carpet blues would turn me green |

The red-carpet blues would turn me green

April in GlenwoodApril E. ClarkGlenwood Springs, CO Colorado
April E. Clark

Heres what Ive learned about men in my three decades on this earth.For the most part, they do not enjoy watching awards shows. Unless they are really into film, haute couture or celebrities. And if they do sit down to catch an awards show in its entirety with a woman, theyre just being nice.Or trying to stay out of that perpetual doghouse. Woof woof.The But I watched the Golden Globes with you! comeback can actually hold a lot of clout during a disagreement. Sort of a get-out-of-the-doghouse-for-free card.Luckily for all the guys out there, the Oscars are coming soon.As a big fan of high fashion and red-carpet glamour, I couldnt miss the Golden Globes Sunday night. The gowns are typically gorgeous, but theres always the fashion train wrecks that are harder to turn away from than an episode of The Bachelor.Do women really become convinced they want to marry a guy before they ever meet him? Apparently they do. But thats Hollywood, a world away from Glenwood Springs. But not too far from Aspen.Im continually amazed that with all the personal stylists and ample access to hair and make-up experts in Hollywood, some celebrities still make their way to awards shows worst-dressed lists. Of course I dont always agree with critics choices.Contrary to reports on Fox News likely my first or last disagreement with this source Anne Hathaway did not look basic and boring in her beautiful midnight-blue Armani Prive gown. The color was stunning and you cant go wrong with anything embellished with Swarovski crystals.Except maybe yoga pants.That might be a little over the top, especially in downward-facing dog pose.Who cares about celebrities and what theyre wearing anyway? Russ asked, looking as bored as my dad at weddings.A lot of people do, I retorted. We cant be the only people watching this show right now.It turns out we werent.According to Nielsen Media Research, 14.6 million people tuned in to see who was wearing what and who won which awards.I have not be honest, though. I imagine its a little tough to be a celebrity, with people constantly judging. I would either be a neurotic mess or could care less what people think of me. I suppose celebrities must find that happy medium. They need fans to flock to their movies so studios will hire them to star in their films. In todays Hollywood, that pretty much means theyll be stalked by paparazzi and criticized for their every move.For me, ending up on the worst-dressed list would be the worst of it all.To add insult to injury to the fashion faux pas makers Sunday night, theres even a poll question on Yahoos celebrity gossip website, omg!, asking, Which woman looked worst on the red carpet at this years Golden Globes? At press time, Renee Zellweger was in the lead. Looks like theres a lot of haters out there, folks. Reading some of this stuff on the Internet which is how boatloads of people are getting their news these days made me wonder what the haters would say about my daily fashion decisions.Heres how they roasted the Bridget Jones star:Renee Zellweger unsuccessfully paired her shoulderless Carolina Herrera organza bib with an extreme mermaid skirt and unsightly updo.Heres what I imagine theyd say about the outfit Im wearing today:April E. Clark unsuccessfully paired a powder blue V-neck sweater she bought at New York & Co. at an Indiana mall five years ago with a pair of dark jeans that shouldve been washed but she was in a big hurry this morning so she threw them on anyway and an unsightly do that needs a Great Clips touch-up. This is how Gossip Girl star was thrown to the omg! critic wolves:Serena van der Woodsen wouldnt be caught dead in this cheap-looking Nina Ricci nightmare worn by Blake Lively.I wonder if the same wouldve been said for my choice of dress at the papers holiday party:Vogue editor Anna Wintour wouldnt be caught dead in this cheap (editors note: pocketbook friendly) Wal-mart sweater dress worn by April E. Clark.Maybe Russ is right. Who cares about what people are wearing anyway?As long as Hollywoods around, there will always be someone who does.Especially when things go horribly wrong.April E. Clark wonders what life on Hollywoods A-list is really like. She can be reached at

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