Trying to explain what it is with men and their stuff
On a snowy day this past week, I did a major cleanup of my stuff. Only my stuff. Other family member’s forgotten things found during my cleaning frenzy are junk to me.But I dare not throw away other’s junk. It’s not mine to discard. Dealing with my things is hard enough. That’s why I do my cleaning when no one else is around.The trouble is, I stumbled upon some really neat things that time covered up and memory lost. It’s like finding a hidden treasure. You have to spend time thinking about what to do with it.Too many memories are dredged up from awakened brain cells to simply throw something that may have value later onto the trash heap of history.
This might be a good place for our partners to pay close attention as I try to explain what it is with men and their “stuff.”Allow me first to say that my training as an anthropologist observing human behavior for much more than 30 years should give me some latitude in what follows. I dare say that perhaps immunity from prosecution for perceived bias might even be in order. I love all women too much to be biased against them.Remember, these are merely scientific observations. It might be best to call them guidelines rather than rules.First and foremost is the fact that men’s stuff is our stuff, and is not to be messed with without our permission.Example. Most women have at least 50 pairs of shoes (I stopped counting my wife’s shoes at 50 pairs). All the men I know have less than a dozen.
That’s why when you want to throw away that worn-out, smelly, disgusting pair of old sneakers of your partners’, don’t. We wear those for dress-down occasions when we want to announce to the world that we are off-duty and don’t mess with us.There’s also a special shirt and pair of jeans that go with those shoes – the shirt and pants you also want to throw away.Second, we have very unique places for our stuff. The universe gives us directions to our almost sacred spaces, so don’t screw up the cosmic balance by trying to put our stuff somewhere else.I’ve seen strong, manly men weep because they can’t find their stuff when they need it ’cause someone “put it away” for them.It’s the same with your kitchen. We don’t know why you want things in places where you put them, but we try to obey. Half the time we have to ask, “Honey, where does this go?” We do ask.
Third, God gave men stuff sacks, duffle bags and big goofy-looking hard and soft cases just for us.We have shaving kits, overnight bags, hunting gear bags and cases, several back packs for different uses, camping gear boxes, etc. Don’t look for your stuff with ours. I promise it won’t be there.My cleaning? Three bags of trash.I already miss my stuff.With a lifetime of accumulating his “stuff,” Bill Kight, of Glenwood Springs, shares his stories with readers every other week.
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