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Watch football and relax in the yard sale recliner

“I need $20,” Husband-Head said urgently on a recent Saturday morning. “And I need it right now.”

It was way too early to be going to the liquor store, so I wondered what the big rush was.

Then I remembered that it was his Saturday morning yard sale routine.



Husband-Head is the yard sale king and has, in fact, furnished nearly his entire “playhouse” ” a separate building behind our back yard that most people would use for a garage ” with his yard sale findings.

Along with the massive beer can collection he has in his playhouse, Husband-Head’s yard sale treasures have included a luau kit with all kinds of tropical decorations, a rocking chair, a monitor for his computer where his fantasy football stuff is set up, bar stools for his fully stocked bar, televisions, a couch, a pool table, a refrigerator, a pizza oven and speakers.



Lots and lots of speakers.

“What is it with guys and speakers?” I asked one time. “Why do you feel the need to have so many speakers?”

“You know how you women have three millions pairs of shoes?” Husband-Head challenged. “Well, we have speakers.”

To go with the televisions. We have TV’s and speakers throughout the interior of the house, the outdoor kitchen, by the pool and in his playhouse.

And Husband-Head was obviously on a mission this morning when he grabbed the $20 and rushed out of the house.

A short time later, I heard his truck pull back in the driveway and in he came with a big grin on his face.

“I swear to God if you bought any more speakers, you’re in deep doo-doo,” I warned him.

“Nope ” it’s better than that,” he said proudly.

In the back of the truck was a large recliner covered in fabric that featured a book pattern.

“It looks like it should be in a library or part of a board game,” I observed. “Miss Scarlett did it with a lead pipe in the study …”

Husband-Head ignored me and proceeded to drag his new toy into the playhouse and situate it right in front of his big-screen TV.

“This is cool!!” he said as he plopped into the chair and reclined it. “This is where I’m going to spend the entire football season!”

Then he noticed the grouchy look on my face.

“Here … you try it,” he suggested. “You’ll see what I mean.”

I reluctantly sat in the chair, which reclined nearly into a horizontal position. But I had to admit, it was quite comfortable.

“I just need to be careful when I’m drinking beer that I don’t recline it so far that I fall over backwards,” Husband-Head mused out loud.

“Yes, because no one is going to rescue your reclined butt off the floor,” I insisted. “If you fall, you will just have to stay that way until you can get up again.”

Nevertheless, he was pretty damn proud of his purchase.

“This chair is perfect for watching football, which is now on again!” he cried out joyfully, dancing around his playhouse and clapping his hands. “Football has started! The pre-season games have begun and they’re on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday!”

So that meant we would only have normal marital communication on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

“And just so’s you know, this year I’m the commish in one of my fantasy football leagues,” he boasted. “It’s a very important job.”

“‘The commish’ … like the old 1990’s TV show?” I asked.

Husband-Head rolled his eyes while he turned on the TV and took a seat at his computer to do a mock fantasy football draft.

And he was all set with his full stocked fridge that contained pizza and beer.

“By the way, you’re allowed to come out here and clean, but don’t touch this notebook,” he instructed with a flip of his hand. “It’s got all my fantasy football notes and stuff in it.”

Come out and clean, my …

“Oh, and I’m going to need $100 for my fantasy football league,” he informed me.

It was only August and the football madness had started again.

Heidi Rice is a reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her web site at http://www.heidirice.com or her blog at http://www.postindependent.com.


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