With Husband-Head in charge, the party is on
Im the Commish, Husband-Head announced proudly as he strutted through the living room. And you better get used to it.The Commish? You mean, like the old 1990s TV show that featured a police commissioner in a small town in upstate New York?The ABC show featured actor Michael Chiklis who, as police commissioner Tony Scali, dealt with issues such as racism, homophobia, illegal drugs, child abuse, illegal immigrants and sexual harassment.So, that would make me Rachel Scali, the wife of the commish on the show? I surmised. Doesnt he always come home late and bring his job back with him? If, God forbid, I had to choose a role for myself on TV, I dont think that would be it. …Husband-Head turned around and looked at me as if Id just committed a crime.NOT the commish from the TV show, he insisted. Im the new commish for our fantasy football league!His chest puffed out another few inches.Apparently this is a very important and well-respected job.What does the commish of a fantasy football league do? I asked curiously. And I mean besides drinking beer and smashing the cans on his forehead. …Husband-Head looked me with disdain.Ill have you know, I have to set up the rosters, the times, the dates and make sure there are no arguments, he said with an air of arrogance. And then I have to check to make sure everything is OK.I watched to see if a button was going to pop off his shirt.AND, he continued, Im in charge of the money. Im the signer on our account where we put all our dues.Then I should be a signer on the account, too, I insisted. Because Im the one whos been giving you all the money to pay for you to join this stupid league!”And who pays for your silly appetizer plates from Crate & Barrel? he challenged, waving me away with his hand.Ummm … he had a point.But it became obvious to me that Husband-Head was taking this commish job very seriously.We have our draft party this weekend, he warned me recently. I have a lot of things to do.OK.A few weeks ago, we threw an engagement party that involved around 40 to 50 guests. But that was nothing compared to the importance of this draft-picking party.I need to go to the grocery store, the liquor store and Wal-Mart, Husband-Head said, writing down what he needed on a list.Ive never seen you make a grocery list in my life! I laughed. Usually you write what you need on the palm of your hand or your inner thigh! Why is fantasy football so important?Husband-Head scowled at me as if Id just said something sacrilegious. …For the rest of the day he proceeded to go to the store to buy chips and dip and pizzas, paper plates, napkins, cups and everything else one would need for a fantasy football tea party.Oh, and I need my slow cooker for these guys, he said, whipping out several bags of little cocktail wieners.How appropriate, I agreed, handing him the little football crockpot that Id given him a couple of years ago.On the morning of the draft-picking party which was to be held in some guys workshop that afternoon Husband-Head was in an exceptionally good mood.Im a little TEA-POT short and stout! he sang out with glee as he got ready. Here is my handle, here is my spout!I ignored him.Football season is back! he cried out with joy. The club has started!He was referring to a private joke between me and my sister, who when we were little girls used to run into the house and roll her eyes while telling my mom that a meeting of our neighborhood girls club had started.But obviously, Husband-Head was in charge of this gathering and he was definitely The Commish.Uh-oh.Heidi Rice is a reporter for the Post Independent. Her column runs every Friday. Visit her website at http://www.heidirice.com.
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Sticks in the mud. Overly cautious. Obstacles to progress.