Letter: Eat more meat faster | PostIndependent.com

Letter: Eat more meat faster

Have you heard? Apparently cows are destroying the planet by sucking up all of our water and farting the Earth into oblivion by being the main contributor to greenhouse gas.

The way that I see it, we have three options to rectify this situation. We can introduce a fast-spreading virus to the cows that makes them slaughter all pigs, chickens and sheep. This will force local, state and federal agencies to create an open season on cow hunting and the farmers, ranchers and hunters can blast them into extinction.

Too bloody? How about creating a diaper type of device and fit them onto all cows? This device would allow the poo to fall to the ground and nourish the earth but would contain any methane that the cow farts are emitting. We could then collect the methane and use it as a sustainable source for energy. How about that? The cows turn grass, hay, and water, into sustainable energy and we get to keep the cows and continue to enjoy the taste and nutrition of beef.

Too silly? The only other option that I see is to eat the cows faster than they can breed. I have been trying this one for years now but to succeed we need everyone to participate, and in my opinion vegans and vegetarians are to blame for the destruction of the planet by not helping us eat the cows fast enough.

Maybe instead of trying to get rid of all of the cows we should instead get rid of all of the non-meat-eaters since they are also sucking up a lot of our water, wasting water growing their nuts, fruits and leaves and allowing cows to overpopulate. Just a thought.

Ross Woodward


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