Mr. Poopy Pants arrested on burglary
A Garfield County deputy responded to Casa Del Monte Court in No Name the morning of July 22 for a trespass in progress.
At about 6 a.m., a man awoke in his bedroom to the sound of his dogs going crazy. He let the dogs out of his bedroom, and they sprinted into the living room. There he found his German shepherd staring down a bald man in a tank top.
The intruder was holding the keys to the man’s son’s car. He threw the keys at the man, said he was “looking for the river” and ran out the back door, according to an affidavit.
The deputy searched the area for only a few minutes before the suspected intruder came out of the bushes holding a large stick and coming at the deputy. The deputy drew his gun, and though the suspect was hesitant to comply, he eventually got on the ground.
The deputy started to question the 32-year-old man about the trespassing, to which he responded by nodding his head yes, or shaking his head no. But this quickly devolved into him “swirling his head in every direction,” which the deputy could not interpret. Asked for his name, the suspect said “Mr. Cool.”
“I asked Mr. Cool if he was from the area. He did not respond and kept swirling his head around,” the deputy wrote in his report.
He continued to resist giving his name at the Garfield County jail, telling detentions deputies that his name was “Mr. Poopy Pants” and that he works for “the government.”
“Mr. Poopy Pants was then taken for fingerprints collection,” and his prints were sent to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation, wrote the arresting deputy. He eventually gave his real name, which CBI corroborated.
He was arrested on charges of felony second-degree burglary, as well as misdemeanors of theft and obstructing a peace officer.
Pair tries to throw police off drug scent
A 28-year-old man was arrested on felony drug distribution Wednesday evening and his 22-year-old girlfriend wound up with felony charges herself after she tried to distract officers from arresting him, according to police reports.
Parachute police were looking for the wanted man in the Family Dollar, where a clerk said he was in the bathroom. But while the officer waited for him to come out, the man’s 22-year-old girlfriend called into 911 about a suspicious vehicle.
Officers suspect she was attempting to call them away with a false report so the boyfriend could get away.
In the bathroom, the officer could hear what sounded like an unusually large amount of paper towels being dispensed.
Inside the bathroom officers later found a glass meth pipe and a paper towel roll containing 3.29 grams of suspected methamphetamine inside a pack of Newport cigarettes. Also there were numerous empty plastic baggies and $183 cash.
The woman was arrested on charges of felony attempt to influence a public servant and misdemeanor false reporting to authorities.
The man’s felony arresting charges included felony distribution of a controlled substance, possession of a controlled substance and evidence tampering.
Rafters busted with magic mushrooms
A 21-year-old woman was arrested on felony possession after she forgot about the psilocybin mushrooms sitting in her SUV console July 26.
On Colorado 82 near Carbondale, a sheriff’s deputy spotted an SUV with no lighting on the rear of the vehicle. The Nissan Rogue, with a raft on the roof, was going about 48 mph in a 65 mph zone.
When the deputy pulled the SUV over and the driver rolled down his window, the deputy could immediately smell marijuana. Two men sat in the front and a woman was lying down in the back with some rafting gear, according to police reports.
The deputy could see empty beer cans in the back. In the glove box the deputy saw a marijuana container. And in the center console the deputy saw a plastic cup that looked to contain fragments of psilocybin mushroom caps and stems.
When the deputy asked the woman, who owned the vehicle, about the mushrooms, she looked shocked and said she had forgotten about them. She told the deputy they were for recreational purposes.
The deputies had no means of testing the substance at that time and planned to submit the mushrooms to a lab. She was arrested on charges of drug felony possession of a schedule I controlled substance, psilocybin.
Visitor flees man trying to break into his car
A Washington man got a scare at a Rifle rest area early last Saturday when a stranger walked up to his vehicle and tried to get inside.
At about 2 a.m., Rifle police were called to a rest area on Lions Park Circle. A man reported that another man, whom he suspected was homeless, tried to open his car door after he had pulled into a parking spot. The man told police that he locked the door when he saw the man looking at him and walking toward his vehicle. The stranger then walked around the vehicle and tried to get into a back door.
But the man sped away and called police. Police later found a 45-year-old man, positively ID’d by the driver, hiding behind a trash can and park sign.
He was arrested on felony first-degree trespass and felony criminal attempt.
A Felon, SOME meth and A shotgun
A man driving with expired plates was found with methamphetamine last Saturday morning.
Rifle police stopped a man driving a Honda Accord with plates that expired in April. Searching the vehicle prior to impound, officers found a red bandanna in the driver’s door pocket. Inside they found a used insulin syringe. Elsewhere in the car they found methamphetamine. In the trunk they found a loaded 12-gauge shotgun and additional ammo, which he was barred from possessing due to previous felony convictions.
The man said he had just bought the car a couple of days earlier. He told the officer that his driver’s license had been taken away and that he didn’t have h on the car.
He was arrested on charges of possession of a controlled substance, a drug felony, weapons possession by a previous offender, a felony, and misdemeanors for driving under restraint, displaying fictitious plates and driving without insurance.