My girlfriend became an FFB monster
I have created an absolute monster, and every Sunday she surfaces. She curses Reggie Bush and has, at times during the past three months, expressed an undying love for Adrian Peterson and Andre Davis.She’s a die-hard Cleveland Browns fan, yet commits the ultimate in sacrilege and openly roots for Ben Roethlisberger of the arch-rival Pittsburgh Steelers.She’s a woman among boys, and she trash-talks with the best of ’em. And, by taking names and kicking butt, she backs it up.She’s my girlfriend, and she’s gone from August fantasy football rookie to December fantasy football pro.And it’s all my fault. I coaxed her into joining my leagues, and she reluctantly gave in. She insisted she knew little about football, shrewdly setting the bar low for what would be a dominant season. “I only know about the AFC North (the Browns’ division),” she’d say.If only that were the case. As the weeks passed, and she kept winning (and, to add insult to injury, my teams dwelled in the cellar), that timid approach turned to arrogance. She made her presence felt on the message boards, going back and forth with all my longtime fantasy football buddies, and forcing many to swallow the bitter pill of losing to a girl (she beat me twice). She rubbed that one in plenty.And so a fantasy football junkie was born. I should have known this would happen, given her competitive nature.Every Sunday, I’d get text messages begging for her team’s latest scores. Didn’t matter if I was in the middle of work. She wanted to know. Didn’t matter that I had no desire to endure the pain of seeing my team’s losing score. She had to know.During the week, she’d obsessively scour the latest news reports for injury updates. “Marshawn Lynch’s out this week,” I’d say. “I know,” was always the reply.AFC North, huh? Yeah, right. Now she’s in the semifinals of both leagues’ playoffs, while I missed the playoffs altogether. That’s a bitter pill to swallow, but I must admit I’m a little proud. After all, most guys’ significant others want nothing to do with sports, let alone fantasy sports. A former colleague of mine down in Texas gets nasty looks and all sorts of grief from his wife when she knows he’s tinkering with any of his fantasy teams. So I guess I should embrace the fact I’ve created a monster, as it keeps me from having to treat fantasy football like a bad habit.I just hope next year I put up a winning record against her.Contact Jeff Caspersen: firstname.lastname@example.org
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