Part of my job as a Grand Canyon educator is picking up stuff a hiker drops or leaves behind next to a trail. Some of the things I’ve found this summer lead me to wonder what the John Muir they were thinking.  

A fast-food burger, in the original wrapper. I suppose they left it for the timid woodland creatures, except if fast food isn’t good for us, why would critters want it?  

Someone’s last remains. When a hiker pointed out a shiny object off the trail, I clambered over rocks to find a sealed urn of cremains, which is illegal to leave in a national park. Local tribes have also asked that visitors avoid doing this for religious considerations. 

I reported finding the urn to park rangers, and for the next month was identified as “the lady who found the body.”  

A can of corned beef. We found this on day three of a seven-day backpack. Those who abandoned it surely thought, “Oh, whoever finds this shall fall upon it with glee!”  Except we had enough food, thanks. Rather than carry a three-pound can of beef, though, we ate it, and yes, it was vile. 

Balloons. I risked life and limb one day clambering down a scree slope after what I thought was an abandoned backpack only to find deflated balloons. It is a lovely thought to release balloons to honor a friend. But creatures can get tangled in the strings or eat them to serious ill effect.

Mascara wand. I understand that many women cannot bear to be without their makeup, but on the trail? For one thing, you are all sweaty and dirty, or at least, I am. In the same vein, I have come across discarded bottles of cologne. Perhaps the owners finally realized that no perfume can cover up the smell of a long hike.  

Glow sticks. Tied to the trees. Not only are they plastic, they’re toxic to any animal who chews on them.

Double boiler filled with rice.  It might make sense to find this in a campsite, but four miles up the trail?  

Underwear. I do know about these situations. Someone has an unavoidable emergency and no TP so they use whatever is at, um, hand.  

Plastic tooth floss picks. Oral hygiene is important. However, most people do not leave their toothbrush behind, so why leave the silly things that only weigh one-tenth of an ounce?  

A five-pack of beer. I assume they drank one and left the rest for later, then did not find tepid beer palatable. But stashing items along the trail is problematic. We never know if you are really going to pick it up later, or if you just got tired of hauling it around. So best keep it with you.  

Laminated photographs. These are often left as a memorial. Does your loved one really want you to honor them by littering public lands with their portrait?  

One shoe. How does one hike out with one shoe? Although I did once meet a hiker wearing a single shoe and sock, one for each foot.  Another time, we found a jacket, then a shirt, then a pair of pants, then socks. I guess they kept the shoes. 

A hemostat used to compress a blood vessel. Was someone prepping for emergency surgery?

An empty backpack. How did they get their gear out?

A full backpack, including, among other things, a queen-sized bed sheet, a beach towel, canned food, and two hardback books. Rumor has it that the hapless hiker yelled, “I can’t do this!”, grabbed a bottle of Gatorade, and threw the pack off the trail. At this point, the hiker was five miles from the trailhead. 

The first rule of “leave no trace” is to plan ahead. Perhaps one should sit down with one’s supplies and ask: Do I really want to lug these books, this frying pan, that good bottle of wine?

If yes, more power to you, and keep on lugging! Just make sure you take it all back out with you.

Marjorie “Slim” Woodruff is a contributor to Writers on The Range, writersontherange.org, an independent nonprofit dedicated to spurring lively conversation about the West. She is a Grand Canyon educator.