“Come here, you have to see this show!” Husband-Head cried out to me from the living room.

He knows I don’t like to watch football or NASCAR, so I figured it might be something interesting. That, and the fact that he was laughing his head off on the couch.

I came in, sat down and discovered we were watching a channel called “Spike TV.” I’d never heard of this particular channel, but then I’d never heard of the show that was on it, either.

It was called “MANswers.”

The program is actually in its fourth season, but we were not normally up to see a late-night reality show. And there was a reason this was being aired after the kids have gone to bed.

MANswers bills itself as a show that provides trivia for men, giving them real answers to things they desperately need to know.

“You’ve got the evening news. You’ve got talk shows. You’ve got newspapers, radio and the Internet,” the show’s promotion states. “Great. But where do you turn when you need to know the stuff that only a guy could appreciate? You’ve got questions … we’ve got MANswers.”

As I started to watch the program, it reminded me of another show from several years ago called “The Man Show” which featured things like girls in short skirts jumping on trampolines and the hosts chugging beer throughout the show.

But MANswers is different.

Sure it has a bunch of buxom women in it, but the main format is to give guys information, advice and demonstrations on important issues that affect their lives.

These questions and concerns include things such as:

• How to take out your own appendix.

• How to drink more beer and urinate less (which included a competition between three men).

• Can one actually be cooked to death in a malfunctioning Jacuzzi?

• How many servings of Communion wine does it take to get drunk? (A demonstration showed that at 15 percent alcohol, it takes about 10)

• Can you actually rip out an eye with your bare hands?

• How to measure earthquakes by the movement of a woman’s breasts.

• How to cut off your arm when it gets stuck in a candy bar vending machine.

This last one came complete with instructions from a (supposed) physician. It was accompanied by an extremely amused Husband-Head, who was now practically falling off the couch laughing.

According to the instructions, the first step to getting your arm out of the vending machine was to break the bones, said the doctor – who may or may not have been a real physician or just someone playing one on TV. The second step was to place a tourniquet above the fracture area.

The third step instructed to decide where you were going to cut and then “start hacking away.”

However, it never really showed whether the guy got the damn candy bar or not.

By this time, Husband-Head was practically hiccuping with laughter.

Then of course, he has probably pondered at some point or another about what happens to the skin tissue after he is circumcised.

“It goes to heaven,” one report said on the show.

“It gets fed to the cows,” according to attribution from the British Medical Journal.

But the best answer was attributed to a report from the USA which said it was used in women’s facial skin cream.

Gross.

And, naturally, the commercials mainly consisted of beer and bikini-clad chicks.

“This is Gggreat!” Husband-Head said excitedly about his new-found show. “This is all stuff I need to know!”

It seemed to me that it was simply men’s retaliation to the “Lifetime – Television for Women” channel.

“You guys already have NFL and NASCAR,” I pointed out. “Why do you need this?”

Husband-Head didn’t answer because he was glued to the next little tidbits of information being offered.

• How did a guy have sex while skydiving?

• How long can you survive in space without a spacesuit?

What frightened me the most was whether or not these were actual thoughts that cross men’s minds.

But I had to get up and walk away when they started to address whether or not it was possible to grill a piece of salmon on a girl’s butt while she was laying out in the sun.

– “Fried Rice” appears every Friday. Heidi Rice is a staff writer and columnist for the Post Independent. She lives in Rifle. Visit her website, http://www.heidirice.com for more columns and her book. Contact Heidi at hrice@postindependent.com.